hi mate
maybe it would be helpful if you give some backround information on yourself and your photography , i see by one of toms post your using a d800, give us some info on how long youve had this camera and how much you understand it , im guessing by your photos your understanding the basics of photography as far as shutter aperture and iso and i dont think there is too much to worry about with your actual basic photography , i think where you need to work on is your post processing skills and lighting techniques
it is hard for everyone to give the same critique as our monitors are all different and without us all seeing the same thing you may get varying results , reminds me i really need to buy a color calibrator
first image looks really overcooked to me , there is still a lot of detail in the blacks you can pull out in raw
i had a go at the post , i give myself a time limit of 5 minutes max , this didnt take that long although everything is subjective to individuals eyes , very quickly i just reduced the vibrance a bit and pulled some shadows out , i sharpened a little all in camera raw , to my eyes its better but that isnt saying its better for all eyes or monitors, i like to see detail and if its there then i pull it unless im going for a specific look
i think your photography is good and id be concentrating on improving your post processing , ill have a look at the exif data now
composition is good and i think its a well thought out image and you captured the mood well
oh by the way give us your post processing experience and programs your using
sorry to hear about your freind and her struggle